Today I came to the realisation that I am not, and will never be a pretty girl. I am attending a friends wedding tomorrow and the dress is cocktail so this meant I bought my first dress on the weekend. I then delayed until today buying some shoes, they are nice shoes, they have a heel and one again they are my first pair of heels. I tried walking around the helpdesk in them today, and there was a mix of laughter and advice from the guys. Yep, guys were giving me advice on how to be a girl.
I got my eyebrows waxed tonight too, but they are too thin and look horrible and of course I don't have eyebrow liner, even if I did I wouldn't know how to use it anyway. I tried putting some makeup on and ended up looking even worse in general. I just can't be pretty, and I am sick of trying to be so I give up. I am going to wear thongs everywhere, I will probably continue to ignore my dry heels even though I hate the feel of them but I just don't know what to do. I will stop spending $60 every 2 months on a new cleanser that never works. I end up making myself feel worse because I try to hide being ugly, but I can't even do that. Right now my feet are hurting like hell because I am trying to stretch these stupid shoes as I am lucky enough to have fat, wide feet that never fit into anything.
Honestly, I feel like shit. I have quesadillas for dinner which were full of cheese and grease and I feel like I have lost all motivation. Just in one of those moods where I can have no positivity towards anything. I do feel slightly better having come to realise that I am not a pretty girl at least, and to be honest I feel better because of this as I know I can just be me and it's not worth trying to be something else. Now I am going to go lay in bed, in a dirty singlet and some hippy pants and read.